By Bob Garver<\/p>\n
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\u201cGoosebumps\u201d is based in a series of kids\u2019 books from the mid-90s. The books were advertised as scary, but more than anything they were just weird. Most of them saw a monster du jour making life difficult for a bland teenage main character until they got really dangerous and had to be stopped. The idea for the movie had such potential. Make some well-meaning teenagers defend their town against every monster from the \u201cGoosebumps\u201d universe. Throw in the manic energy of Jack Black as series creator R. L. Stine and you\u2019ve got the recipe for one of the funniest and most exciting live-action kids\u2019 movie in a long time. Instead what we get is one of the most lifeless, unfunny, and excruciating films of the year.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The story sees teenager Zach (Dylan Minnette) move to a new town with his mother (Amy Ryan). He falls instantly in love with his new neighbor Hannah (Odeya Rush), but is ordered to stay away from her by her father (Black). One night he thinks he hears Hannah in danger, but the cops are no help. He grabs Champ (Ryan Lee), an annoying new friend from school, and they break into the neighbor\u2019s house. There they discover a collection of \u201cGoosebumps\u201d manuscripts, open one out of curiosity, and the monster from the story (\u201cThe Abominable Snowman of Pasadena\u201d) springs to life and starts wreaking havoc.<\/p>\n
Zach, Hannah, and Champ go off to try and contain the Yeti, and are saved at the last minute by Hannah\u2019s father, who it turns out is R.L. Stine. He created all the \u201cGoosebumps\u201d monsters (plus a bonus non-monster) and trapped them in books. Things seem to be under control, except that in the fray another book got knocked open, \u201cNight of the Living Dummy.\u201d Slappy the evil ventriloquist dummy is now on the loose and he\u2019s not happy about being trapped in a book since the 90s. He unleashes the other monsters and then the chaos really begins.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not thrilled with the selection of monsters that are featured prominently in the movie. Don\u2019t get me wrong, Slappy is iconic enough that he should be the lead antagonist, though I don\u2019t know how the movie manages to make a psychotic ventriloquist dummy not scary. The Werewolf of Fever Swamp is fine, though a bit redundant with another large mammal having already been released. I\u2019m even okay with the silly piranha-like lawn gnomes from \u201cRevenge of the Lawn Gnomes\u201d because it\u2019s fun to see them get destroyed. But do we have to waste time with lesser creatures like generic zombies and the lame Invisible Boy? I kept waiting for the inside-out people from \u201cI Live in Your Basement,\u201d but they never show up, not even when the characters go in the basement. Other fan favorites (I believe I caught only the briefest glimpse of The Haunted Mask) are relegated to group shots.<\/p>\n
The real problem with the movie is that, in short, nothing works. The monsters aren\u2019t scary or effective, not because they\u2019re supposed to secretly be funny (as this movie would have you believe), but because the special effects are so unconvincing. The movie can\u2019t decide on a set of rules for Stine\u2019s monster-creating or trapping-in-book powers. Worst of all, almost every joke is absolutely terrible, especially when it comes to Champ, who even from the trailers I could tell was going to be one of the most grating characters in recent memory. R.L. Stine likes to end his \u201cGoosebumps\u201d stories with a twist, usually along the lines of \u201cthey were aliens\/robots\/monsters\/dead the whole time.\u201d The twist here is that I\u2019m not giving this awful movie one star, based solely on how much I like the inexplicably illuminated abandoned amusement park where Zach and Hannah go for a date.<\/p>\n
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One and a Half Stars out of Five.<\/p>\n
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\u201cGoosebumps\u201d is rated PG for scary and intense creature action images, and for some rude humor. Its running time is 103 minutes.<\/p>\n
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