By Bob Garver<\/p>\n
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\u201cHotel Transylvania 2\u201d is a lame animated movie that takes some of the most well-known characters in horror and makes them kid-friendly (which I can accept) and unfunny (which I can\u2019t). The main characters are vampires and there\u2019s a lot of talk of fangs in this movie. I was ready to make the easy joke about how this movie is \u201ctoothless,\u201d but then I was reminded that Toothless was the name of the dragon in the superior \u201cHow to Train Your Dragon\u201d movies and I didn\u2019t want to pay the movie an unintentional compliment by calling it a \u201cToothless Movie.\u201d But I\u2019m still perfectly happy calling it \u201clame\u201d and \u201cunfunny\u201d and one of my favorites, \u201cCinematic Junk Food.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 At the end of the first \u201cHotel Transylvania,\u201d Dracula (Adam Sandler) had decided that humans weren\u2019t so bad after his daughter Mavis (Selena Gomez) had fallen in love with one named Jonathan (Andy Samberg). The new movie sees the young couple getting married and having a baby named Dennis. There\u2019s some confusion over whether Dennis technically counts as a \u201chuman\u201d or \u201cvampire,\u201d and although Dracula insists that he loves him no matter what, he secretly hopes he\u2019s a vampire. Dennis will officially be a vampire if he gets fangs before the end of his fifth birthday, so Dracula exposes him to all sorts of vampire stimuli in hopes that it will trigger the fangs.<\/p>\n
Dracula enlists his friends Frankenstein (Kevin James), Wayne the Werewolf (Steve Buscemi), Griffin the Invisible Man (David Spade), and Murray the Mummy (Keegan-Michael Key, replacing Cee-Lo Green from the original) and they take little Dennis on some monster adventures that they screw up by not remembering how to act like monsters themselves. Here\u2019s the one joke assigned to each character: Frankenstein is fat, Wayne is basically a dog, Griffin\u2019s girlfriend is made-up, and Murray has a bad back. It\u2019s these four jokes, over and over again. Oh, and there\u2019s also sixth member of the team: Blobby, a green blob that wiggles around and doesn\u2019t talk. Somehow, he\u2019s the most interesting. The whole thing ends at Dennis\u2019s fifth birthday party where Great-Vampa Vlad (Mel Brooks) threatens to ruin everything by hating humans\u2026 just as much as Dracula did in the first movie, actually.<\/p>\n
When the movie isn\u2019t busy with dull visual gags, it\u2019s telling jokes that I\u2019d call \u201cgroaners,\u201d except that it would imply that they elicit some kind of response. Honestly, is it that hard to find funny things to do with these characters? And the movie misses one opportunity after another. I\u2019d like to see what the hotel is like now that it\u2019s open to both humans and monsters. Alas, you wouldn\u2019t even know there was a hotel in this movie if not for the title. I saw some potential laughs with Jonathan\u2019s parents (Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman) who believe in some silly misconceptions about monsters (in fact, their false identification of a monster is one of the few gags I laughed at), but they\u2019re mostly squandered. Perhaps worst of all is that the movie wastes the talents of comedy legend Mel Brooks. He gets one cheap laugh about a phony vampire hairdo and everything else he either plays way too straight or can\u2019t save.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s just no need for a second \u201cHotel Transylvania\u201d movie. There wasn\u2019t exactly a need for a first one, but if the original wore its premise thin, this one wears it as invisible as Griffin. But is anyone really surprised in 2015 that a movie starring Adam Sandler and his buddies is a hacky mess? In fact, I have to say something about this movie that\u2019s more insulting than calling it \u201clame,\u201d \u201cunfunny,\u201d or even \u201cCinematic Junk Food.\u201d These days, all I have to do to insult an Adam Sandler movie is call it \u201can Adam Sandler movie.\u201d<\/p>\n
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One and a Half Stars out of Five.<\/p>\n
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\u201cHotel Transylvania 2\u201d is rated PG for some scary images, action and rude humor. Its running time is 89 minutes.<\/p>\n
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