![\"\"](\"http:\/\/thelehighacresgazette.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/GI_Joe-_Retaliation-194x300.jpg\" "\\"GI_Joe-_Retaliation\\"")
<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Here\u2019s a brief rundown of my thoughts from 2009\u2019s \u201cG.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra\u201d:<\/p>\nI\u2019m dreading this movie. I still haven\u2019t recovered from that awful second \u201cTransformers\u201d movie from a month back. Or that awful first \u201cTransformers\u201d movie from two years ago for that matter. Wait, this isn\u2019t so bad. Sure it\u2019s a glorified toy commercial, but at least I like these characters and the gags are landing better than I thought they would. Marlon Wayans actually makes a pretty effective action hero, Dennis Quaid has a wise presence, gotta love Rachel Nichols as the hot nerd, Joseph Gordon-Levitt kills it as the villain, and this Channing Tatum kid seems to have a bright future. Now it\u2019s over and I realize that I didn\u2019t spend the entire time longing for it to end. Well done.<\/p>\n
And now my thoughts on \u201cG.I. Joe: Retaliation\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This sure doesn\u2019t look promising based on its commercials, but the first one was a pleasant surprise, maybe this one can pull it off again. We\u2019re getting an introduction to the characters and apparently all of my old favorites are gone except Channing Tatum. But we\u2019ve got Dwayne Johnson now, maybe he can salvage this movie. There\u2019s a confusing action scene and some unfunny banter, and we\u2019re off to a bad start. Now Jonathan Pryce is onscreen as the kidnapped U.S. President and his evil duplicate, a Cobra henchman. I like the way Pryce gnashes the scenery. Confusing action scene, unfunny banter, confusing action scene, unfunny banter. It\u2019s official, Johnson cannot come close to saving this movie. So much for all that range he showed in \u201cSnitch\u201d. Channing Tatum takes his leave after fifteen minutes, and it\u2019s goodbye to any connection to the original. The Joes are down to Johnson and two dull new characters played by Adrianne Palicki and D. J. Cotrona. This movie is hemorrhaging star power, but I don\u2019t blame Tatum for wanting out as soon as possible. Here\u2019s the inevitable \u201cCobra Commander breaks out of prison\u201d sequence where Walton Goggins plays the sleazy warden. I despise this character, but it\u2019s comforting to know that he\u2019s probably not long for this world. Cobra Commander breaks out with the help of Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) and Firefly (Ray Stevenson). Like I\u2019m going to be intimidated by a villain called Firefly. And why does Cobra Commander have zero personality? Awkward location shift to Tokyo where we catch up with Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and Jinx (Elodie Young). Snake Eyes looks like a rejected \u201cPower Rangers\u201d villain. Some nonsense about them needing to settle a score with Storm Shadow. The Joes reach out to the original Joe (Bruce Willis) for help and we get more unfunny banter. There\u2019s a confusing action sequence in Tokyo, but at least I\u2019m not used to seeing zip-line action scenes, so that\u2019s something new. Too bad the special effects are unconvincing. Generic undercover mission in America, followed by a terribly-acted sad scene. Laughable resolution to the situation is Tokyo. The American Joes meet up with the Tokyo Joes and we get way too much unfunny banter. The evil President reveals Cobra\u2019s plan to destroy\/take over the world. Clearly the plot isn\u2019t very well thought-out since Cobra Commander can\u2019t seem to make up his mind between the two. But at least Pryce is still fun. Confusing action sequence, confusing action sequence, make it stop, make it stop (sixty more \u201cmake it stops\u201d omitted for space). So glad it\u2019s over, that was painful. Should I give it one star? No, I liked Pryce too much, one and a half stars. But it\u2019s really, really close to one star. And no, I do not want to buy the toys.<\/p>\n
One and a Half Stars out of Five<\/p>\n
\u201cG.I. Joe: Retaliation is rated PG-13 for intense sequences of combat violence and martial arts action throughout, and for brief sensuality and language. Its running time is 110 minutes.<\/p>\n